Butterfly dreams

I was just a chubby caterpillar eating alone. But then I found a safe haven to change in. I found the cocoon of God’s love. He made me a new creation. I am changed on the inside but now it is time for me to struggle. I have my wings but they need to persevere through so I can be strong enough to fly. I am fighting my way out and growing stronger and stronger. It’s hard to keep fighting sometimes but now I can see the light through my cocoon. It gives me a hope that I will be flying soon. Even though it feels safe and warm inside my cocoon I know it will be even better when I have persevered to make it outside. I will still have God's love surrounding me but I will be strong enough not to need a cocoon. God has shown me that I have always been a beautiful butterfly but I didn’t know it. All I could see was the chubby caterpillar me eating and eating tied to the tree. He saw the new creation of me, a beautiful butterfly flying free. Thank you, God for making me, me.

Men of integrity

Some things are just right and beautiful with the world. It is right and beautiful that this single woman can go ask a stranger who works for a Kia dealer for help on a car issue and they just help without pay, or reward, or being made famous. They just help without obligation because I needed it and I am a woman who asked.

It is sometimes hard for a woman to ask for help when this world tells us we all need to be these superwomen who can do it all on our own. I didn’t want to impose by asking for this free help I needed. Especially to ask a stranger who answered the phone that didn’t work in that department that was closed hours before.

It is silly really that I felt small asking a guy for help for something I think I “should” be able to figure out myself as a strong smart woman. Yet, today there was a peace in trusting a stranger with a badge to not tell me to “figure it out myself” because it wasn’t his job.

It is all about perspective. How could he possibly know in that moment driving down the freeway, feeling insecure already, sensitive and emotional about struggles of life and very alone when that light on the dashboard flashing a warning light came on. 

I was thinking it was just one more thing today trying to rob my peace I was struggling to find. Maybe if it was in a stronger moment I might have tried to “do it myself” and I could have if I learned how or even knew what that bold light meant but in that moment of weary weakness I just needed to ask a man for help and he did.

God bless him. I am thankful for the men who still want to be men and help women who need them to step up and be the man we need them to be. God knows women need men of integrity who would be this for us. Thank God for these men and God help me not fear asking them.

Quickly Bubble Tea and Me

How often do I want things “Quickly”? Sitting here in the bubble tea capitol of Silicon Valley using the free Wifi as my personal living room space to escape I wondered. Today I had to laugh at the name that speaks to my impatience I have always seemed to have had.

I remember those first naive days when I first moved around the corner from this little shop in Silicon Valley from a very small Washington town. I was so scared at all the crazy California Bay area drivers in such a hurry and getting lost in bad parts of town. 

I was finding my feet beneath me in those first corporate/.com job contracts. I felt they were so way above me and I could not fathom that they wanted to hire this small town girl for them. I was so very lonely those first months and struggling to get through so many things. 

It makes me a little thankful for not living in that tiny room that barely fit a bed in. It was in house with a wet floor from leaky pipes and crazy, drunk, hairy male roommates who would hit on me. Yeah, that was an adventure!

But, you know what? I made it through and found a GPS, a better place to live, a community of friends who have become family, and I have a lot more experience this time around job hunting.

I remember hanging out here and wondering how “Quickly” I could find out if this place could possibly be more than just a pit stop on the way someplace where God would lead me. I wanted answers “now” and I think I still struggle with waiting and having the faith to believe God has my life in His hands and they are better than my own plans and timing. 

He knows I have had EIGHT contract jobs in the three and half years since I moved here.  He knows my dreams and fears and He sees where I am.

Looking around at this place today I am thankful because even though I still can’t see but just a few feet before me I can look back and see how my God was there right beside me in those dark times asking me to just reach out in the blind and trust Him for that next step.   

God just wants us to Trust HIM and leave the anxiety and worry at His feet so he can give us His peace. So very thankful for the peace of God today and His love that guides me. 

The great Ant invasion

So we have a little ant problem at my place. It seems like a little problem but maybe that is determined by your perspective of the problem. Our invasion into our house started about a month ago in the kitchen.

It all started with the smallest of crumbs on the counter and suddenly out of nowhere a parade of ants came visiting this little crumb. It seemed like they were coming from no place and really I think my roommate was too freaked out and just wiped them up without finding out where they were coming from that first time. She wrote me a note saying we had been invaded with lots of exclamation points.

Honestly, I smiled and didn't really take her note seriously. A stinker proud part of me was thinking "that's what happens when you guys leave your dirty dishes everywhere".  It wasn't until a week or so later when I had gone away for a couple of days and came back to my room that I took notice. I came home late at night to find a stream of ants climbing my wall right where I sleep heading a tiny bit left of a cup of tea I had left on my desk.

At first I wanted to because I was tired but, I didn't totally freak out and just wipe them up because I wanted to know where they were coming from to stop the problem at the source. So I followed this long trail and found that they were coming in through a broken seal in my window. I decided I could do one of two things. I could wipe them up and pray they didn't crawl on me at night or I could go to the store at 11pm and get some sealer and spray.

I chose to go to the store and take care of this problem at its root. So I came home and I sealed up that crack and went a bit over to make sure my room was sealed from those invaders.

Thinking back now I think I did the right thing because my roommates are still dealing with the ants in their spaces because they would not do as I did. I shared with them how my problem had been solved when I went to the source of it and took care of it right there sealing them out yet they still battle the every so often invaders.

Insecurity can happen when our boundaries are broken and it's good to seal them up so we are safe in our borders. When we have cracks in our lives that come from weaknesses in our outer fortress those things have room to come in and try to tear us down. Keeping watch and sealing out those things that would take us from our peace is important.

Rest for the weary, power for the weak. God's power is made perfect in our weaknesses and I believe He can be a light to those places where we have cracks in need of restoration and to be sealed so we are safe. His love never ceases to amaze me at how He cares even about even those little ants invading our lives.  Sometimes invaders are bigger but I know my God is stronger than all of them. I have confidence my God is bigger and can and will take care of them for me if they mess with His girl. Oh Yeah, My God loves me like that. He loves you too like that.


.

Feel the Rain on your face

Have you ever walked outside when it was raining without an umbrella on purpose just to feel the rain drops on your face? Try it. Sometimes it can seem like there are a million rain drops falling but the ones you catch in your mouth can be a little water for your soul.

Our umbrellas keep us dry for the most part but I think sometimes you just need to feel the rain on your face to know its there. Most Californian’s seem to think they are made of sugar and will melt. Honestly, I really used to be that way before I spent 10 years living in Washington state. I have a few umbrellas now yet I rarely use them unless its really pouring.

I think that when we do have just a little rain coming down in the form of trials in our lives we sometimes are too quick to put up the umbrella to shield us from them. We can miss the lesson in really seeing them. Those little lessons from those trials of everyday life can be annoying and tiresome. They can drain our energy and make us lose our hope. Yet I find if you take a moment to look up at that sky that’s falling you can find some peace in perspective of your situation in comparison to the ocean that is not falling on you.

God made those rain drops and even though he did not create the havoc that made them fall in your life. He can be a true umbrella that you can see through. You must have seen those see through umbrellas. They are clear plastic that lets you see the rain’s drops falling on them. When you have a God umbrella you can look up in any storm. Find yours.

Listening to wisdom

Sitting in Panera hiding all the way in back is a great hiding place to get away and find some quiet time to study for the most part. This is my usual stomping grounds on Tuesday's before I head to gather with a my womenfolk friends who never cease to amaze me.

However, today I had a kink in my usual plan of Tomato soup and reading. These two older gentlemen and a younger one foiled my grand plan in their undeniably awesome conversation that I couldn't help but overhear. Okay, yes I was ease dropping but I couldn't help but hear their passions shared that blessed me and gave me the outside a glimpse of wisdom.

The two older fellows entered first and sat at a table right next to mine. The opened some books and started talking about the person they were going to meet with shortly. My ears were alerted when I heard the words that this young man needed encouragement and direction. I got the idea that they were meeting with him to encourage him in some way for some major undertaking he was doing.

The young fellow walked in and sat down. The two older guys greeted him and one of the first things this humble guy did was say how he felt he knew nothing but somehow his undertaking had grown. He started sharing how some of his coworkers had had a rough start but were now accepted.

I don't know what made me keep listening as I now crocheted instead of trying to read but I think it was the picture it was for me. Two older guys coming along side a younger one to equip him and encourage him to keep on keeping on.

There was wisdom in the older fellows and wisdom in this humble younger fellow for wanting to take the good advice and seeking it out. It turned out that I gathered from the meeting that the two older fellows were authority figures in a local church and the younger one happened to be a new pastor.

I love older folks who give their lives away like that. Younger folks can do well to listen. I know I did. Inspired me to seek out my wisdom friends and spend some more time with them. There is so much to learn from them. Find a friend in someone who has more years on you and listen.

Seeing through the rain

Driving down the freeway the rains start pouring out a flood from the skies. It’s dark and gray and your windshield wipers can’t seem to catch up. The wakes from the cars in front of you create a blinding white fog of mist you can’t see through. Technically you are almost blind yet you can physically see, but just not through the cars wake in front.   

What do you do? What have you done in the past? Most likely you trusted the road you have traveled before. You keep driving and pushing forward because you know your exit is someplace down the road that you can’t see. Your GPS isn’t even working because of the weather but you think you know how long it will take to get there. You think.

Then you see some red and then a little more red. Lot’s of lights making you wonder what is up ahead with all the cars slowing down. Those same cars had been pushing you to move faster only a moment ago.

Now they are slowing down and waiting. You think “maybe an accident”.  So you wait, and you wait, and you wait. Finally the cars are moving a little more now. Then you pass by the “accident” and say a prayer for the tangled mess it looks like. Inside you secretly thank God it wasn’t you.

Eventually you do get to your destination and when you walk in the door you’re a little more thankful you got there because you know someone didn’t make it.

Life is like this sometimes. Sometimes your struggling to see your way through the rainstorms in life and just when you think your getting through it and finding that mysterious exit you have to stop. You hit a few thousand red lights telling you to slow down before you become the accident.

It’s hard to have faith to keep driving in the rainstorm. Sometimes your GPS isn’t telling you how long it will take to find your way through it to the place your not sure where your going to.

The thing I take comfort in is that I know my God is the ultimate GPS. No, He doesn’t always tell me how long my storm will take to get through, but I know I am not alone in the car.

He is there beside me keeping in His eye out and giving me a little head’s up as to where to swerve and not hit those pot holes I could see myself getting a flat tire from.  I can drive in and through with confidence trusting the road he has traveled before. He guides me on. I may not be able to fully see it but I know He does and that is enough to keep me on the road, though the rain, and into the sun.