Are you waiting for your life to start once you have it all together?

Have you got the right job? Have you found the right relationship mate? Are in great physical shape? Do you have enough money to feel safe? Have you got the great place to live? Do you have a good car? Are you well rounded enough? Do you have the right friends influencing you? Are you giving enough? Are you to selfish? Do you have enough education? Are you still scared? Are you swimming in circles and struggling? What will make you happy? Will you really be happy if you get ALL of these things to make you feel safe? What is the dream you have been putting on hold tell you get these things and are "ready" to finally pursue it?

Maybe you are really just living in a fish bowl swimming in the same circle with the same silly obstacle's in your path. We have all see those fish aquariums with the funky trees and oddities floating around. We all laugh as the fish can't figure out how to get around them. Have you considered that maybe everyone outside your small tank can see those things you keep bumping into and smile that you keep hitting them.

Don't keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect a different result. That is the definition of insanity. Listen when people tell you or give you warning about those things that keep blocking your path. Yes, it is true that sometimes people don't have the best intentions when they share that unsolicited advice but then sometimes they do have a good point. Sometimes it is just so painstakingly obvious that your oblivious to what you really need to make a change in your world inside your tank to make it right.

You can keep asking yourself all those probing questions and keep believing you can't go for your dreams because you have not yet "arrived" to that place of "having it all together" but then your going to miss out. Stop waiting for your life to start and be content with who you are today. You have to like yourself right where you are in your journey to grow as a person. The reality is that great things happened in this world because of imperfect people who had flaws and were on the path.

You may not feel accepted in the awkward place your in while your still figuring it out and working through all those places in your life that feel a little out of control but don't let that stop you from going for it. Keep walking forward. Take these steps.

First you have to see that you can do it even if it looks impossible from your situation of where you are at the moment. The next step is to map out a plan of action. Write out what you want and make a plan. If your not sure how to do it then get community. You have to realize that you are not alone. 

 Second, you need community of people who will accept you for who you are and love you. Even while your finding that community there is one who will always accept you and love you just as you are. God loves you like that. Don't give up if the first community you try out doesn't seem to fit. Take God with you and trust you will find a place to belong to that supports you in your dreams. Once you find some community you will find encouragement to keep going and taking those steps in your plan against all odds.

Thirdly, you have to see the truth of the matter. The truth of the matter is that you are still going to struggle. You are still going to have to fight everything that is within you that tells you that you will not succeed. The truth is also that if you fail to plan you are planning to fail. Enlist people and resources you can find to help you. The truth is also that sometimes we have to walk a little blindly into those steps we take along our path to our dreams and you have to be prepared to feel the fear in taking steps and release it.

So go for it. Stop swimming in circles and feeling empty. Walk forward, find inspiration in a relationship with God and people who will love and support you. Stop waiting.

Butterfly dreams

I was just a chubby caterpillar eating alone. But then I found a safe haven to change in. I found the cocoon of God’s love. He made me a new creation. I am changed on the inside but now it is time for me to struggle. I have my wings but they need to persevere through so I can be strong enough to fly. I am fighting my way out and growing stronger and stronger. It’s hard to keep fighting sometimes but now I can see the light through my cocoon. It gives me a hope that I will be flying soon. Even though it feels safe and warm inside my cocoon I know it will be even better when I have persevered to make it outside. I will still have God's love surrounding me but I will be strong enough not to need a cocoon. God has shown me that I have always been a beautiful butterfly but I didn’t know it. All I could see was the chubby caterpillar me eating and eating tied to the tree. He saw the new creation of me, a beautiful butterfly flying free. Thank you, God for making me, me.

Men of integrity

Some things are just right and beautiful with the world. It is right and beautiful that this single woman can go ask a stranger who works for a Kia dealer for help on a car issue and they just help without pay, or reward, or being made famous. They just help without obligation because I needed it and I am a woman who asked.

It is sometimes hard for a woman to ask for help when this world tells us we all need to be these superwomen who can do it all on our own. I didn’t want to impose by asking for this free help I needed. Especially to ask a stranger who answered the phone that didn’t work in that department that was closed hours before.

It is silly really that I felt small asking a guy for help for something I think I “should” be able to figure out myself as a strong smart woman. Yet, today there was a peace in trusting a stranger with a badge to not tell me to “figure it out myself” because it wasn’t his job.

It is all about perspective. How could he possibly know in that moment driving down the freeway, feeling insecure already, sensitive and emotional about struggles of life and very alone when that light on the dashboard flashing a warning light came on. 

I was thinking it was just one more thing today trying to rob my peace I was struggling to find. Maybe if it was in a stronger moment I might have tried to “do it myself” and I could have if I learned how or even knew what that bold light meant but in that moment of weary weakness I just needed to ask a man for help and he did.

God bless him. I am thankful for the men who still want to be men and help women who need them to step up and be the man we need them to be. God knows women need men of integrity who would be this for us. Thank God for these men and God help me not fear asking them.

Quickly Bubble Tea and Me

How often do I want things “Quickly”? Sitting here in the bubble tea capitol of Silicon Valley using the free Wifi as my personal living room space to escape I wondered. Today I had to laugh at the name that speaks to my impatience I have always seemed to have had.

I remember those first naive days when I first moved around the corner from this little shop in Silicon Valley from a very small Washington town. I was so scared at all the crazy California Bay area drivers in such a hurry and getting lost in bad parts of town. 

I was finding my feet beneath me in those first corporate/.com job contracts. I felt they were so way above me and I could not fathom that they wanted to hire this small town girl for them. I was so very lonely those first months and struggling to get through so many things. 

It makes me a little thankful for not living in that tiny room that barely fit a bed in. It was in house with a wet floor from leaky pipes and crazy, drunk, hairy male roommates who would hit on me. Yeah, that was an adventure!

But, you know what? I made it through and found a GPS, a better place to live, a community of friends who have become family, and I have a lot more experience this time around job hunting.

I remember hanging out here and wondering how “Quickly” I could find out if this place could possibly be more than just a pit stop on the way someplace where God would lead me. I wanted answers “now” and I think I still struggle with waiting and having the faith to believe God has my life in His hands and they are better than my own plans and timing. 

He knows I have had EIGHT contract jobs in the three and half years since I moved here.  He knows my dreams and fears and He sees where I am.

Looking around at this place today I am thankful because even though I still can’t see but just a few feet before me I can look back and see how my God was there right beside me in those dark times asking me to just reach out in the blind and trust Him for that next step.   

God just wants us to Trust HIM and leave the anxiety and worry at His feet so he can give us His peace. So very thankful for the peace of God today and His love that guides me.